its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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