I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize