Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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