you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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