So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
