why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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