Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if only i could text you this smell
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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