well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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