What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
