If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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