I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize