Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
