Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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