i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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