So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
