bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
