i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
