I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize