Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize