Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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