all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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