Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
