she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
this is an emotional support booty call
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
