I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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