Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
