No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
