Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
