My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
