I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
