i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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