this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize