we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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