I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
