he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I love having hate sex.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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