What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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