I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
