Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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