i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
