and you said cock pushups were impossible
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
