I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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