I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
