Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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