I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
