don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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