When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
