Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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