mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
