Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
