i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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