I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
