just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
