everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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