I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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