I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
