today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
