I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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