i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
