i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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