i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
