I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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