So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
