I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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