I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
