omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
