all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pants are for mortals
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
