drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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