we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
