just come out here and I will go home with you...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My liver just had a heart attack.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
