Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
