I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
