He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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