Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
