Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
