i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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