Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
