No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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