she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why do cheetos always look like penises
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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