thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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