I look better un-naked...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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