She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
