I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
