Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
