This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
