i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
