This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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