please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
