Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
