Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
