ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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