why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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