im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
