i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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