peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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