The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
