I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize