Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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