this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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