You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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